Bunching Hoisery

The Bunching Hosiery

Narrator: as we’re approaching memorial day we wanted to remember our countries very first soldiers, the first American revolutionary army. The scene is Washington and his army crossing the Delaware. It was a cold December day in 1776 and they have been on the water for some time now…

Private Private: Are we there yet?

Washington: NO!

Private Private: When are we going to get there?

Washington: We’ll get there when we get there! Stop asking!

Private Private: But I’m cold, and I’m hungry, and I want to be there, and my toes are cold, and my nose hurts…

Washington: Do you want me to turn this boat around and not go there at all? Is that what you want? Because I can do that you know…

Private Private: No…

Washington: No what?

Private Private: No sir.

Washington: That’s what I thought.

Jose: Can I steer?

Washington: NO! I told you that before!

Private Private: **talking to Jose** just because he’s the general he thinks he can do whatever he wants.

Washington: Will you hush back there! **Darth Vader voice** I mean, I am your father…. Of the country that is.

(pause)

Ishmael: **talking to Jose** Look… your doing it again.

Jose: Doing what?

Ishmael: You’re on my side of the boat!

Jose: I am not!

Ishmael: Yes you are and you know it!

**talking to Washington about Jose** HES ON MY SIDE OF THE BOAT!

Washington: Just let it go.

Private Private: **talking about Ishmael** He’s touching me!!! STOP TOUCHING ME!

Ishmael: It’s not like I have anywhere else to sit.

Washington: If you don’t stop it I’m going to separate you two… is that what you want, to be separated? Because if I have to separate you two one of you is going to be sitting outside the boat!

Private Private and Ishmael: I’m sorry.

Washington: Sorry what?

Private Private and Ishmael: We’re sorry sir.

Washington : **scratching**

Jose: Why are you scratching?

Washington: My hosiery is bunching and this uniform is itchy. You know Betsy Ross made these uniforms out of scrap material.

Jose: Ooooooh… that’s why they are all red, white, and blue stripes.

Washington: Do you think these vertical stripes make my butt look big?

Private Private: No, no George, its just thick material.

Ishmael: **talking to Jose** Sure its thick material I see him sneaking that extra biscuit at meal times… oh I’ve seen it… many a times.

Washington: What was that?

Ishmael: Nothing.

Washington: No tell me.

Ishmael: … oh I was just saying… uh… I love crossing the Delaware… id do it anytime.

Washington: Now that’s the spirit Soldier. What’s your name?

Ishmael: Call me Ishmael…

Private Private: **whispers into Washington’s ear**

Washington: Why didn’t you think of that before we left!?! I mean come on now did you really have to have all that wassail?

Private Private: But I was