Dying to Fit In

Dying to fit in

Natalie was always quiet she was misunderstood and always trying so hard I never for one second questioned her potential though its still so unclear what happened that day and why she did it, I don’t think I will ever come to terms with what she did.

When we were younger Natalie and I did everything together she told me everything we were like sisters. Natalie was a beautiful person inside and out though she never thought so to her she had huge thighs excess on her stomach and every other imperfection you could think of she was self-conscious and never wore revealing clothes. She hated her body image especially when we started school she would see other girls from our school in tight jeans with perfect bodies I always told her not to compare herself to them but she was reluctant to listen. I remember one day in year 9 when I got a pass to go to the toilet I went in and heard someone crying when she came out I saw her it was Natalie I asked her what was wrong but she said it was nothing, it was the first time so I thought I would let it go.

School holidays had just begun it was the end of term one everyone was so excited especially me and Natalie because we had been invited to our first house party. While we were planning what to wear I noticed some thing on Natalie’s arm when she was trying on one of her tops she had cuts all over her arm it looked like she was cut with a sharp blade but I soon found out it was no accident. I asked Natalie what she had done but she covered it up and said it was nothing. The next day we went to the movies and planned for Natalie to stay at my house for the next few nights. That day I realised something peculiar every time she ate she would go directly to the bathroom. Later that night I made dinner for us she had a bit to eat and went straight to the bathroom, locked the door all I could hear were these loud noises and I knew she was throwing up all the food. This behaviour only meant one thing she was bulimic and was self harming I had no choice but to confront her because I needed answers before things got out of control if they already hadn’t. I went to the lounge where Natalie was watching TV I said to her I have been observing some odd behaviour lately she asked me what I was talking about and I started with that day at school when I found her in the toilet crying then I asked about the cuts on her arms and why she is throwing up everything she ate, she told me I was imagining things and to leave her alone.

Natalie and I have known each other since we were three she told me everything I always knew what she was thinking and we constantly finished each other’s sentences. I didn’t understand why she was so distant towards me she had been shutting me out. School had started and Natalie and I were very quiet she left early that day but she didn’t tell me why. After school I decided I would go by her house and see how she was feeling. The door was open so I let myself in, I found her in the bathroom with a blade in her hand crying hysterically. I took the blade out of her hand stood her up and sat her down on the couch I didn’t know what to do but I knew she needed help and this time she wasn’t going to get out of this