Teens

Relationships with peers

The relationship between parents and their teenage children has become more complex in the modern world, so it is no wonder that some parents, if not all, cannot relate to their teenagers and vice versa. Most teens, at one point of time or another, do not believe that they can relate to anyone in their family (including siblings), threatening filial harmony, especially when it comes to parent-teen conflicts (most siblings can empathize with each other’s troubles, even if they cannot relate to it). This is a true statement to a certain extent, since the changes that we undergo are sometimes so confusing even we don’t understand ourselves at times. Of course, there are exceptions – some parents have great relationships with their adolescent children, and become the envy of all other parents who have tempestuous relationships with theirs. It does not help that most parents are under the supreme idea that they are always right, that their experiences and their challenges in life are similar to their children, resulting in conflict between parents and their teens. In defense of the parents though, they believe that having brought us into the world, they are responsible for shaping the characters of their teenagers, i.e. how successful, how well their children turn out depends solely on their ability to impart their wisdom onto us. This leads to tension and a struggle of control between parents and hormone-raging teens. Snippets of what parents and their teenage children would say to each other about their relationship with each other may include the following:

“Parents think they know everything.”

“Why do teenagers think they know everything? Can’t they just take advice from their elders?”

“My parents can’t seem to trust me!”

“Why is my child so secretive?”

A quotation by John Ciardi describes best of all about the topsy-turvy world of an adolescent:

“You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone…”

(http://en.thinkexist.com/ , 25 January 2008)

Adolescence is not easy; I should know. Can you remember your own adolescence? When one becomes a teenager, he or she is catapulted from the safety of the childhood into this tumultuous world of adults. Being one of the fortunate teenagers blessed with relatively understanding parents who vaguely remember their own turbulent adolescence, I feel that I am able to see both sides of the coin.

Basically, it boils down to this: parents are afraid of their teenagers making mistakes, because any failure they make is automatically considered one of their own, and teenagers, wishing to be able to map their own lives, are frustrated by their parents’ insistence that they always follow their advice.

A complaint is exemplified following letter:

Dear Teen-Girl,

My teenager and I have been arguing. We aren’t as close as we once were. I think he/she has been going through some problems. Help!

No one is born perfect, that’s for sure. Everyone will make mistakes at some point of their lives, parents and teenagers alike. After all, we are merely human.

However, it is understandable why parents are afraid that their darling teenager will make mistakes. All parents want the best for their children, even if it is against their teenage son’s/daughter’s wishes. After all, a mistake could have adverse effects on a teenager’s future, as they probably would have experienced.

Parents should realize that the teen in question is undergoing some important changes – both mentally and physically – and they should be able to adapt to these changes. To most teenagers, this can be confusing, and parents should try to guide them through this transition, rather than try to force advice on them, which only concludes in anger and frustration on both sides as teenagers retaliate against what they perceive to be an attempt to control their lives. Teenagers may lose respect for parents, which will further aggravate the situation. It could result in a condition like the following:

Dear Teen-Girl,

My teenage son doesn’t listen to me. He seems to have lost all respect for me. I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong.

Losing respect is serious.