The Jumping Frog

The Jumping Frog

Now that brings me by a natural and easy transition to Simon Wheeler of California; a pioneer he was, and in a small way a philosopher. Simon Wheeler's creed was that pretty nearly everything that happens to a man can be turned to moral account; every incident in his life, almost, can be made to assist him, to project him forward morally, if he knows how to make use of the lesson which that episode teaches, and he used -- well, he was a good deal of a talker. He was an inordinate talker; in fact, he wore out three sets of false teeth, and I told about a friend of his one day -- a man that he had known there formerly, and who he had a great admiration for, of one Jim Smiley, and he said it was worth a man's while to know Jim Smiley. Jim Smiley was a man of gift; he was a man of parts; he was a man of learning; he was -- well, he was the curiousest man about always betting on anything that turned up that you ever see, if he could get anybody to bet on the other side, and if he couldn't he would change sides. As soon as he got a bet he was satisfied. He prepared himself with all sorts of things -- tomcats, rat terriers and all such things, and one day he ketched a frog; said he calculated to educate him. And he took him home and never done nothing but set in his back yard and learn that frog how to jump. Yes, sir, and he did learn him to -- he did learn him to. When it came to jumping on a dead level there wasn't no frog that could touch him at all. Come to jump on the dead level, why, he could lay over any frog in the profession, and Smiley broke all the camps around there betting on that frog. Bye and bye he got a misfortune. He used to keep his frog in a little lattice box. The frog's name was Daniel Webster, and he would bring that box down town and lay for a bet. And one day a fellow came along, a stranger in the camp he was, he says, "What might it be that you have got in the box?" "Well," Smiley says, "It ain't anything particular, it's only just a frog," "Well," he says, "What is he good for?" "Well," Smiley says, "I don't know, but I think he is good enough -- for one thing; he can outjump any frog in Calaveras County." The stranger took that box, turned it around this way and that way, and he examined Daniel Webster all over very critically, and handed it back, and he said, "I don't see any points about that frog that is any better than any other frog." "Oh," Smiley said, "It may be that you understand frogs and may be that you are only an amateur, so to speak; anyway I will risk $40 that he can outjump any frog in Calaveras County." Well, that stranger looked mighty sad, mighty sorrowful -- grieved, and he said, "I am only a stranger in camp and I ain't got no frog, but if I had a frog I would bet you." Smiley says, "That's all right, just you hold my frog a minute; I will go and get you a frog." So Smiley lit out to the swamp and that stranger took that box and he stood there -- well, he stood, and stood, and stood the longest time. At last he got Daniel Webster out of the box and pried his mouth open like that [indicating], took a teaspoonful and filled him full of quail shot, filled him full up to the chin and set him down on the floor. Daniel set there.

Smiley he flopped around in the swamp about half an hour. Finally he cotched a frog and fetched him to this fellow. They put up the money, and Smiley says: "Now, let the new frog down on the floor with his front paws just even with Daniel's, and I will give the word." He says, "One, two, three, scoot," and they touched up the frogs from behind to indicate that time was called, and that new frog, he rose like a rocket and came down kerchunk a yard and a half from where he started, a perfectly elegant jump for a nonprofessional that way. But Smiley's frog gave a heave or two with his shoulders -- his ambition was up, but it was no use, he couldn't budge, he was anchored there as solid as an anvil. The fellow took the money, and finally, as he went over, he looked over his shoulder at Daniel, and he said: "Well, I don't see any points about that frog that is any better than any other frog." And Smiley looked down at Daniel Webster, I never see a man so puzzled. And he says: "I do wonder what that frog throwed off for? There must be something the matter with him, looks mighty baggy somehow." He hefted him, and says, "Blame my cats, if he don't weigh five pounds." Turned him upside down and showered out a hatfull of shot. And Simon Wheeler said, "That has been a lesson to me." And I say to you, let that be a lesson to you. Don't you put too much faith in the passing stranger. This life is full of uncertainties, and every episode