My Memoir - Noah Tends to Be a Little Slow

“He is smart”, “He is giving”, “He is kind”, said most of my friends, but as they say that I doubted the reliability of those statements “Are they just trying to make me feel better?” I thought. As far as I know and was said about me before, “Noah tends to be a little slow” and “Noah just cares because he has to.” Now I have had the issue of over-forgiving for a while now, no matter what one says, I tend to forgive them. I recognize it as an issue but I don't want to fix it for the reason of What if I become the opposite end of the spectrum? What if I did not forgive at all? Over-forgiveness is the better of the two evils, no matter how much it can hurt. I don't like to lose friends no matter what, if they are fake, well I can try to help them and just stand by them, that's why I started to learn personality and emotional analysis. To help THEM to the fullest of my ability. Helping people is my one thing, I will always do, no matter what. Spinning down the rabbit hole of the chemical-electrical interaction we call “emotions”, I have few that wish to help me. Why would they? I am simply another person that there are billions of. As I spin down a whirling dark hole I think “When will I see past the darkness around me?” I think about suicide but never could carry it through. I simply have too many attachments to people. People that I know will be hurt that I left them when I promised I would never. A promise that I intend on keeping. Spinning and diving I continue going deeper in the great darkness and I re-live many things I wish I never thought about. My emotions stabilized the older I got, a few months after I turned 18 I stopped falling down that hole, and simply stayed