Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket, the man without a face. Far too long Mr. Snicket has eluded the press, his depressed fans, his family, and heinous members of an otherwise noble secret organization. But no longer will he hide in shadow. I have given him a message and by using a code he himself created that involves the ringing of a large church bell, Mr. Snicket has agreed to come and enjoy a Christmas dinner with myself and my family. I am truly ecstatic.

Admittedly, it is strange that I would choose to invite Lemony Snicket to of all things a Christmas dinner. I would like to assure you that I am of sound mind and body as I write this. There are numerous reasons I have invited Mr. Snicket to dinner with us, most of which are secret. I will tell you all that I can. I wish to learn the truth about Beatrice, Lemony Snicket's true love who died an untimely and arcane death. This is a sensitive topic, and I will discuss it with sympathy. I would also ask about the secrets of the cryptic world of V.F.D. In addition I would discuss Mr. Snicket's life and the stories behind the Baudelaire orphans' lives.

Certainly by now you will be intelligent and put this essay down. Reading it will bring you nothing but misery and woe. At dinner I would discuss Lemony Snicket's research and I would share my own with him. Mr. Snicket has, for years enthralled and inspired me with his biographies of the Baudelaires. At this dinner I will thank him for his contributions to literature, even though he will undoubtedly protest and ask me to please be truthful with him. It may be inappropriate but I will ask why he is on the run. Who is chasing him? Why hasn't he contacted the authorities? The most important question I would ask is "Who are you Mr. Snicket?"