A New Chapter

A New Chapter

Single mother. Two words I never thought I would associate with myself. I planned on being married forever and raising my two children and living happily ever after. I quickly learned life doesn't go as planned. So, now after two years of wondering in the dark it is time to open a new chapter of my life. This paper will help me to explain the experiences that brought me to this point. I plan to use development theories as well as information from the LifeLaunch text to understand these experiences and look to the future.

Chapters Past

Self-esteem is not something I had a lot of as a child I was born with Spina Bifida, a physical handicap, and grew up always knowing I was different. I went to public school up until tenth grade. I was always an overachiever a “bright child” one might say.

Academically I excelled but, socially I failed. Elementary school was pure hell because I was different from the other children. So, from kindergarten to sixth grade I was tormented by bullies. In middle school I had a fresh start and made a few new friends. Tenth grade of high school I enrolled in a private school and entered into a whole new world.

No one knew me there and I had a clean slate. The school was so different from anywhere I had attended before. The ciriculum opened my eyes to new ideas and ways of thinking. I finally made friends and felt accepted for who I was.

I went off to college straight out of high school. A nice little Christian all girls school in middle of nowhere Kentucky. My grandparents helped pick it out since they were the ones paying for any expenses my scholarship did not cover. I found that I did not have the self discipline or control I needed and ran wild with my first bit of freedom. I only stayed there a semester and then moved back home.

I found employment, my own apartment, and at the ripe old age of nineteen moved in my future husband that I barely knew. Needless to say five months later I was pregnant with my son. I had my first child and then fifteen months later had my second. By this time I knew I had to have my tubes tied or I would end up with a baseball team.

A whole month after giving birth to my daughter I walked down the isle and wed my children's father. Life was good for a little while but, three years after the wedding things fell apart. He had been leaving at night for about two months when I finally worked up the nerve to tell him to make some kind of decision. Let's just say the conversation didn't go so well. I ended sprawled out on the kitchen floor with a broken nose and a nice shiner developing on my eye. I was in major shock so I cleaned myself up and went about my business.

The next day I gathered all of my strength and went to the police. The marriage was officially over. I did not see or hear from my ex-husband or the police for months. One day I get a call out of the blue from the courts asking me what I want them to do because his case was that day. I had moved past that part in my life so I told them to do whatever they deemed necessary.

While I was still with my ex-husband I had enrolled in a local college and began to pursue my Associates degree. I found that I had developed a strength within I had never known before. I never stopped attending classes even going in with a nice black eye after the incident. I knew I was going to prove something to myself and give my children a better life. I worked two jobs and attended evening classes full time for most of the two years I went to college. I knew I was doing it for my children and to give them a better life. Yet, I rarely had time to spend with them. I was missing their childhood so that I might provide them with a better life. I felt like a failure as a mother because I didn't really know my own children. When they were with me I had little control and felt guilty when I did punish them. I was looking forward to finishing college I thought that would make everything better.

Boy, was I wrong. I finished my last semester in September and was lost. Going to class and working so much was all I had known for two years. When I finished school I began to look for better employment. I was extremely discontent with the job I had.

I have found finding work fairly easy in the past and assumed that with a degree it would be even easier. I quit my job thinking I would only be out of work for a week or two. Things didn't happen the way I had planned. A week or two turned into a few weeks then a month. Bills began pilling up.

Before I knew it it had been two months and I was out of money. I realized I was in trouble and had to figure out what to do. For the sake of my children my ex-husband's parents, they are saints,