An Open Letter to a Drug User

Although this letter may not get read by you at all, as you may be as so angry with me that you have thrown it into the garbage rather than reading it, I feel that I must speak with you through this letter as I believe that a verbal and/or in-person conversation with you at this particular point in time would only provoke words between us that may be regretful and/or lead to an escalation in hostilities and be irreparable. I am hopeful that you take this letter to heart. I am hopeful that you read it in its entirety and really consider what it is that I am saying to you.

As a true friend, one that does not wish to see you continue to walk down a path of destructiveness, I have gone to your mother and best friend asking her advice, how she feels about the situation that she may or may not know of and that I have become privy to through our friendship and the relationships that I share with other members of your family, your friends and those that care for you. You see, my dear friend, it is my opinion that you have an addiction problem. You may or may not agree with me. You may or may not like me for telling you my feelings and opinion. Most importantly, you may feel that I have betrayed you, your trust, your family and your life. If any negative feelings are feelings that you have towards me, then so be it. However, at one point in our friendship, you did trust me and my opinions. You brought me into your life and I have been there for you as a friend, a confidant, and a companion. Certainly our lives have and will take different paths, along many, many roads in life. Everyone does. I have been down the path, on the exact road that I fret you are on now and I’m scared for you. You see, my love for my friendships goes beyond material needs, beyond petty arguments and most importantly it goes beyond that which most people see as being a “friend.” You have meant so much to me in my life that I felt it was time to help you perhaps finally think about what I might be saying is true. Addictions control us, Belva. I wish we controlled them, however that is simply not the case.

I understand your anger towards me for bringing this information to light with your mom. However, she is the only person I have brought it to light with and it is my sincerest and truest hope that with her support you can start to see, feel and breathe again as a person who I know you want to be. Not for me, not for your mother, your family or even for your beautiful daughter. You need to be that person for yourself, by yourself without the help of any substance. I feel that you are filling a void in your life caused by your current relationship status with Daniel. I feel that you are feeling guilty for allowing your daughter, Macy, to witness certain disagreements with Daniel that you have. I feel that you are scared to all get out of losing your mother, I would be too. Most importantly I sincerely feel that you are trying to blend in with society, becoming a drone instead of an individual hoping and wishing that your troubles will just vanish. I’ve felt that way too, you know. And it’s OK to feel that way. It’s OK to have situations in life that you don’t know how to face or handle. Most important, it’s OK to starting loving yourself again without a chemical boost. Without the problems that come with that crutch, only adding to the problems you must already face someday. I know that living in fear, fear of the unknown, is a real fear that all too often we ALL hide and refuse to face. Instead, we put up walls of denial, first to other people that may notice a thing or two and then, then Belva, we actually start believing the lies, manipulations and stories that we tell others and we too fall victim to our own denial. Fuck denial, Fuck conformity. BE yourself, without fear or worry of how others will perceive you. You can make yourself stand tall daily, inspiring others to do the same without using drugs to get you there. In my opinion and experience, drugs only hide the real you - you know who that is too. The real you that I’ve seen before. The mommy who loves her daughter, the daughter that loves her mom and the friend that bends over backwards to help out another friend in need. My turn, and I‘m glad that I‘ve taken lessons from you on the last one of the three mentioned