From one Child to the Next

From One Child to the Next

Stay together for the children-a quite common phrase referring to a somewhat old- fashioned option for an unhealthy, failing, or dysfunctional marriage. In the past four and a half decades, divorce rates have more than tripled due to the questioning of whether or not this option of staying together is actually beneficial and not harmful to the children. Through many studies, researchers have found that divorce often impacts children emotionally, academically, and psychologically and in some cases, children not at all. Several factors can key into the individual and varying manners in which children react to divorcing parents-the age of the child at the time of the divorce, the gender of the child being affected by the divorce, and the emotional and financial stability of the parents post divorce.

The age of a child plays a huge role in their reactions to a divorce. Generally, the younger the child, the more limited the “…cognitive ability to understand the divorce…” is (Richardson and Rosen 21). If a divorce occurs while the child is still an infant, researchers believe that the child is least affected. The emotional state or status of the child is directly related to the “primary caregivers’ emotional status and adjustment” in reaction to the divorce (21). Once a child reaches six or seven years old, an age where social interaction aside from the immediate family occurs regularly, the effects of divorce on the child are often amplified. Common reactions in the social and developmental aspects of children this age include “depression, withdrawal, grieving, fear, fantasies of responsibility for the break-up and of possible reconciliation, anger, shame, decreased school performance, a sense of loss or rejection, and conflicts over which parent to express loyalty to” (21). The next drastic change in reaction to divorce occurs when a child is in adolescence at the time of the divorce. Reactions of adolescents mimic those of younger children except that adolescents tend to question their own future relationships and their likelihood of failing at commitment or marriage as their parents have(21). Adolescents often use social events and extra curricular activities to distract them from their parental problems at home as well as clinging to friendships and relationships outside of the home during the time of the divorce between their parents (21). No matter the age of the child, divorce impacts the mental and social development of children as they adjust to the new aspects of having separate and divorced parents.

Another common aspect that factors into the reactions of children to divorce is the gender of the child being affected. Generally, males more than females are emotionally impacted by a divorce. By internalizing the difficulties faced by divorcing parents, females tend to cope with the process of divorce more easily than males. Girls are more capable of bottling up emotions and dealing with emotional problems themselves. Through studies, Richardson and Rosen proved that “females appear to be more receptive to environmental stresses” (21). Another interesting finding of Richardson and Rosen is that “teachers have more negative expectations for boys from divorced families than for girls of the same setting” meaning they expect disruptive behavior, academic problems (21). Although the main factor that determines the extent of the effects on children of divorces may be considered age, gender also plays an important role.

The emotional and financial stability of the parents going through the divorce also plays a key role in the reaction of the children. In addition to the obvious struggles of going through a divorce, parents also often face financial burdens as they become accustomed to a single income, child support circumstances, possible alimony, and extensive legal expenses. The stress these aspects bring about to the parents can easily carry over to the child in the form of emotional stress. Usually, the least amount of difficulties through divorce by the parents, the more easily the child can cope with the process. If parents choose to involve the children in these financial matters, harmful effects on the children can be expected than if the parents exclude this information from their children. If a couple going through a divorce experiences emotional trauma, ordeals, or fallouts around the children, harmful effects can also be more expected than children not exposed to these traumatic situations. While dealing with these emotional and financial struggles of divorce, parents may unintentionally “be less able to accomplish their parenting tasks, more likely to make unrealistic maturity demands on their children,