The Dark Side of Relationships

Why do women stay with men who beat and rape them? Why don't they leave? Why do they remain in abusive relationships even as the violence escalates?

Most women have at least one dependent

who must be taken care of, many are not employed, their parents are either distant or unable or unwilling to help. She may lack the access to cash; she or the children may be in poor health, may face a decline in the living standard for herself and her children. Many older children may resent this decision. She may believe that she will be charged with desertion or losing the children and cash assets if she leaves. Some battered women have an ideology that may include: she does not believe in divorce, marriage is forever,” till death do us part”. They may believe that it is crucial to the children for them to have a mother and a father, no matter how terrible the father is, and she believes that she can put up with anything for the children’s safety. She may be emotionally dependent on the man, having never relied upon herself for the simplest decision. The abuser may have managed to isolate her from her friends and family and she therefore feels that she has no one to turn to. She may feel responsible for his behavior and try to change herself, therefore giving herself a very low self-esteem. Since abuse comes in cycles, she believes that he is basically good and this time he has changed. (23)

Battered women understand that there is something wrong with men who alternately hurt them and then nurture them, though they do not know what causes this. They seem to think if they love them enough, give up enough, or submit to enough, that they will somehow be able to change the batterer's behavior. Battered women are trained to accept responsibility for the abuser's outburst. She is trained to make excuses for his imperfections; e.g. if she was a better wife he would not want to hit her.

First, let’s define abuse, battering, and psychological abuse. According to West Virginia Sate Law it is defined as: The occurrence of one or more of the following acts between family members who reside together or who formerly resided together:

Battering is not just physical aggression. Rather, Battering constitutes the systematic use of violence and the threat of violence in order to control, subjugate, and intimidate women. Without feat, there can be no battering.

Psychological Abuse is defined as verbal degradation denial of powers, isolation monopolizing perceptions, occasional indulgences and threats to kill. (23)

1. Attempting to cause or intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly causing bodily injury with or without a dangerous or deadly weapon.

2. Placing, by physical menace, another in fear or imminent serious bodily injury.

3. Sexually abusing a person under the age of 18 years.

Now let's discuss how small girls are raised in society. They are raised to accept men's temper tantrums without allowing it to diminish their love for their mate. They are raised to believe that men are imperfect and that they must put up with any and every imperfection that man may have or lose any chance of getting love in return.

In 1995, domestic violence increased by 6.8 %, over 1994 reports. Law enforcement agencies investigated 9,267 (96.5%) of these complaints. Of the complainants who were victims, 1,005 (11.5%) were male and an astounding 7,784 (88.5%) were female and 3,371 (35.1%) of them had filed a previous complaint. Repeated abuse victims suffered 2 homicides. 2,750 simple assaults and 75 felonious assaults. Protection Orders were violated in 125 (1.3-%) cases.

VICTIM OFFENDER

8,377 females (87.3%) 1,050 females (10.9%)

1,221 males (12.7%) 8,545 males (89.1%)

The US Justice Department estimates that there were 500,000 incidents in the United States in 1993. There were 45,000 marital rapes or sexual assaults included in this number. (15)

Domestic Violence accounts for 11.7% of the emergency room visits for women who are currently with a partner, although 27% report a history of domestic abuse. 81% of the women who had attempted suicide had a history of domestic violence. (15)

29% of all female murder victims were slain by their husbands or boyfriends in 1993 study. (15)

21% of stalkers had been prior intimates of the victims. (15)