The Empty Nest by Lillian Rubin

In the article, The Empty Nest by Lillian Rubin discusses how middle aged women look at the idea and notion of their children leaving the home. The Empty Nest syndrome occurs during a transition phrase when a mother’s child is coming of age and about to leave the dwelling. Studies now show that this “depression” was once thought to have the same wide spread negative effect, but recently has been viewed as the direct opposite. This article depicts how women of different social classes and marriage arrangements feel about the idea of their children leaving the home.

It was thought that depression occurs in mid life women were due to what is now known as Empty Nest Syndrome. This theory has been analyzed and proven wrong. A sense of freedom or relief is felt by most women, when their children leave their households. A heavy burden of responsibility is lifted off the shoulders of many middle aged mothers when this transition occurs. The feeling of having freedom gives them the opportunity to look more at their own needs then the needs of their children. The interactionist perspective is clearly shown in Lillian Rubin’s article, The Empty Nest. The interactionist perspective views society as the product of countless encounters between human beings and ever day social activity. The three questions this author focuses on are: Why do individuals do the things they do? Do people always mean what they say? How important are the daily routine of unwritten rules, courtesies, and manners we take for granted? Throughout Lillian Rubin’s article, these three questions are answered by the views expressed by various opinions of women on the departure of their children.

Society has always been guided by underlying social rules and obligations. Since the early days of human beings it was the male figure whose role was to hunt and bring home food for his partner and child. In the same essence it was the female figure that would provide nurture to the offspring and spend all of her time raising the child. In more modern times, the male figure still must, by social standards be the main financial provider for his family. “Sometimes he spends so much time at work because it is, in fact, the major commitment in his life”.(Rubin, p.173) This quote supports that fathers are more obligated by society standards to focus on the financial well being of the family. This provides more than enough evidence of why individuals do the things they do.

On the contrary, it is the females’ role to be at home with the children. It is she who spends the most time in every day interaction. Throughout all social classes, working and middle the mothers are the main care provider for the emotional well being of the family, especially the children. This is why when a child departs from the household it is viewed as a loss. By arrangement the mother should have the most feeling of loss when their child leaves. “ For good or ill, they are glad the job was done, ready to move on to the next stage of life”.(Rubin, p.173) The role of mothers’ is a pivotal part of the upbringing of children, because it is their teachings and knowledge that help mold them into successful adults.

Behind all sarcasm is some truth. People often say things that sometimes can be misleading. When a father or mother tells their child “I can’t wait till the day you leave”, this often times is not the case. “Contrary to all we hear about women and their empty-nest problems, it may be the fathers more often than mothers who are pained by the children’s imminent or actual departure”.(Rubin, p.173) Due to the fathers social obligations he is the one who truly misses out his children’s upbringing and growth. Lillian Rubin, points out how the father is often times the one who mourns the most when his son or daughter leaves the house. The second question being answered is different when looking at the male and female perspective of a child leaving the home. For the father it is more of a loss.

The female partner, the mother, for the child’s entire life has been there of course by social standards. “In fact, it should come as no surprise to anyone that