The Study of the Relationship (satire)

The Study of the Relationship

By: Shaun R.Kelley

Introduction

A relationship? Something meaningful? Forever? HA! All ploys and devious schemes devised by horifically cruel creatures, in order to have their every wish granted for all of eternity. These terms were created to destroy our lives, they were created by the most evil and demented of all creatures, The Female. Ask any boyfriend, or should I say "slave", and they will tell you that the Female is a very mean creature that gets her every way without any questions. They turn us into their servants and force us into a permanent relationship, or a permanent "slavery", as I prefer to call it.

Step One: Scouting Their Prey

The First thing you need to remember about these...things, is that they always, without exeption, travel in packs. So remember that when aproaching one of them. Back to the point at hand. When in the proper habitat that these Females inhabit, stay cautious, as they seem to sometimes pounce upon their prey, and ask you to preform something that you are currently incapable of (example: asking you to dance). These manuvers are used to make you semi-embaressed, and thus would do anything to regain your higher status, no matter how long it takes you. Thus they have control before any plans are even made.

Step Two: Pulling Out The Whip

After the initial request made by the male generally, thye begin to start a "relationship", or so it is called. By this time you are already stuck with her, and all of your friends can see it, and in many instances, they try to stop it. She knows that she completely controls you, and she takes full advatage of it. Asking you too get something for her at any time in the night, picking her friend up for her from somewhere exactly opposite of where you are, and the list goes on. But this is the moment where a small part of you may wish to be single again, but it's not a loud enough voice to hear yet.

Step Three: Stuck Between A Rock And A Bigger Rock

You got this far in? Your stuck now, how does it feel? By this time you cannot get out of it until she breaks it off with you, which is highly unlikely at this step. You are completely and utterlly whipped, and under her control. Her will shall be done, and believe me, it is. This is the point where that voice got louder, its almost yelling...but heres where she gets more devious again. Lets say for example, that she is depressive, and extremely self-consious(as are most women), and you just can't deal with it anymore. But she says that she Loves you...theres a toughy. You say it back, because 1. You May Truly Love Her 2. You Know Your Supposed To Say It or 3. Your Afriad of What Will Hapen If You Don't. So you say it back and things progress, then you mention life without her, very inconspicuously, and she says those orrible words that most women say in a relationship..."I'd die without you"...and in many cases the girl is crazy enough to do it. So now your stuck, be happy and kill her, or be unhappy and let her have her way...the choice is yours.

Step Four: Finding Your Scapegoat

If you reached this point then you gave in to her horrible powers. I'm truly sorry my friend. This is the