Families

The importance of families has been espoused by all since the inception of modern times. Considered by most to be the backbone of America, it is how we socially and culturally indoctrinate our offspring so they are able to become a functional member of society. A lack of a full family is often cited as the reason that children end up as criminals or delinquents. The notion of family being the birthplace of problems is not even something most people could find feasible, which is what makes Barbara Ehrenreicht's essay "Are Families Dangerous?" seem a bit out in left field to most readers. But upon closer inspection and reflection into ones own family life, and the lives of those around them, Ehrenreicht's essay begins to make a lot more sense. It is because of my understanding of values within our culture and my own personal experience with my family that I believe Ehrenreicht's essay on family is completely true in the ideas that it expresses.

Most of us choose only to recall fond memories of our youth when we speak about how great family life is, though the reality of things is that few of us have a perfect youth with our family and it is often peppered with emotional and physical harm. Ehrenreicht hits the nail on the head when she talks about the plight of the wife, many of their problems come not from outside of the house, but within. Turn to any daytime TV show to see the crying and emotional pain that family members cause, whether it be from physical or emotional abuse. While the examples like Lorena Bobbitt, OJ Simpson, and The Menendez brothers may be a bit extreme, they are representative of the reality of American Families (though to a lesser degree). Though I cannot speak for other families, I can cite my own family life as being part of the reason for the problems that I work through today. As Ehrenreicht says the Family is the place where we go for comfort and to relax, but it is that very notion of family being a safe haven makes it all that much worse when problems inevitably arise. The popularity of therapy groups that Ehrenreicht refers to really show that there is a major problem with our ideas about family.

Knowing that there is a problem does not explain why the problem exists, or how to solve it. As best I can discern, the discrepancy between the idealized form of family and the reality of it stems in part from the mixed messages we get from our society. Since the big business era of the early 1900s America has been a culture of, for better or worse, social and economic Darwinism, that is to say that if we fail to be successful it is by no ones fault other than our own. That sort of philosophy encourages us all to be aggressive in getting what we want, and putting ourselves first. Unfortunately the notion does not fit in with family life, which resembles (at least initially) a soft form of socialism which is a far cry from the cut throat capitalism that is proclaimed by our society. The overly assertive behavior we exhibit is rewarded by success, becoming a part of the fabric of our very being, which in turn influences our behavior in family life where aggressiveness is often inappropriate. In addition to the aggressiveness we are taught, American culture is characterized by