Foreigners Are Ruining America (satirical Essay)

A Modest Proposal

“A way to rid ourselves of foreigners”

This essay was written by, Sanel, a foreigner living in America for 8 years.

The following “American Speaker” is based on Sanel’s personal view on Americans,

and his personal belief on how Americans view foreigners.

Foreigners are ruining our country. They take up our space, buy our houses, attend our schools, and drive on our already busy roads. They are different from us and do things we aren’t used to. They speak differently, act differently, and even dress differently. We don’t need this. Our country is too separated as it is. We need to stick together as Americans and relieve ourselves of these unnecessary people. Therefore, I have come up with a plan that will rid us of all these grievances.

The reasons for my plan are simple. We real Americans deserve to live here, they don’t. We were all born here; we didn’t just pack our bags and cross the ocean to get here. None of us did. My family and ancestors have all been born here, so I have the right to be here as well. However, these foreigners who are coming from half way across the world shouldn’t be allowed to be here. Even so, Hundreds of thousands are coming in each year. I mean, what are we? A country that accepts every kind of person seeking freedom no matter their race, gender, or origin? No! You have to be lucky like me and my ancestors to have been born here!

I am a proud American. I am proud of all our traditions and ways. I am proud of our own English language, which our ancestors came up with ages ago here in this country. I am even proud of our OWN unique American Food. Anything from FRENCH fries, and ITALIAN pizza to ASIAN food, and GERMAN beer. Of course, Foreigners have their own food too, but ours is truly American. So, once foreigners exist here no longer, we will be able to once again enjoy what is ours. Our kids can proudly say “We live in a foreigner-free America!” They will know that we didn’t ever need foreigners, nor do we need them now. They will learn our heritage, our traditions, and our ways of life, with no foreigner intervening. This is what I want my child to say one day.

Besides, why should we let foreigners in? We have no benefit from them. Americans are smart enough to take care of themselves with no help needed from others. Before announcing my proposal, however, I have been fair enough to come up with a way to let certain foreigners in. This plan only requires for foreigners to create products as good as Americans do, but I am quite confident that this cannot be accomplished. If a German can create a luxurious car such as the Mercedes-Benz, let him in. If a Japanese can create an economical car such as the Honda, let him in. If an Italian can make delicious and nationwide popular food, let him in. If a French can show us how to kiss, let him in. If an Iraqi can supply us with oil, let him in. Clearly, there is no point in adding this preparation to my proposal, because unquestionably, a foreigner making something better than an American is quite amusing to me!

With that aside, my proposal for solving this ever growing problem is straightforward. Take anyone, who; isn’t white, speaks more than one language, lives here illegally, gets paid below minimum wage, doesn’t consider themselves American, doesn’t own a really big gas-gushing car, doesn’t support Bush, has a non-American name, doesn’t think Americans are the greatest people alive, doesn’t support our rich cultural traditions, and gets paid more than a real American in high-end jobs, and send them back where they came from. Send them back, so they can cause all this chaos in their own countries. Send them back, so they can bother and bog