Ramble on

I’m scared but I’m not. It’s this funny feeling like you are standing on the edge of something terrible, but you can’t fight the urge to peek over the side anyway. I keep looking. Life is like that, but love, love is certainly like that. In a relationship, you really are only certain of one thing: how YOU feel. You put stock, trust, hope and faith into another person without ever really knowing what they think. Cross your fingers and hope this time it will all work out!! Blind Faith- peeking over the wall and seeing that it’s not as scary as you thought, not as death defying. We are created out of love, hopefully, even if it’s just divine love, but it’s love nonetheless? Right? So for a people created out of love, we sure do spend a lot of energy looking for it and then turning our back when we find it! Its out of fear, you look the other way because you haven’t let go enough to do much else. Shouldn’t it be easy? I want to find someone and then just fall into step with them. Like a long walk through the park. Now don’t get me wrong...I am not so young that I don’t think it will be work. I know there will be fights, terrible disagreements and the like, but the love part should be easy. The love part should make sense and feel right like a smooth stone in your palm. Tough and unbreakable but soft at the same time. I’ve looked for it everywhere I can think of. I’ve tried to catch up with people or tried to make them slow down and wait for me, but to no avail! I’ve even convinced myself to love someone just because they loved me enough for the both of us. I’ve also loved another enough so they felt the same way. What about even-steven love? Meet me in the middle, halvsies, 50 yard line, split you for it, let’s go dutch tonight kind of love??? Does that exist? What about letting go? Is the problem not that we cannot love, but that we refuse to allow it to happen by refusing to let go? Ahhhh....letting go. That old hat. The forces around a heart can rival the body of water surrounding Alcatraz. It’s easy to love when you have nothing to lose. Its an, I love my dad, mom, sister, dog, or neighbor kind of love. But what if the one you love decides they don’t love you back? The horror! The horror! Could there be anything harder for the human spirit to digest then pure unrequited love? I think not, or at least experience has me thinking. For as many times as