Reading Someone like a Book

How to Read a Person Like a Book

Summary

CH 1: Aquiring the skills for reading gestures

- Life situations offer the best tests for the interpretation of gestures

- Gesture clusters: are the groups of nonverbal communications associated with different attitudes. In addition to viewing individual gestures we present the myriad of attitudes expressed by not one gesture, but a series of related ones.

- Gesture clusters can occur at the same time (locking arms and ankles plus making a fist), or one after the other

- When gestures are read subconsciously, only unconscious assumptions about them can be made. We should be able to evaluate most stimuli before reacting to them.

- Sometimes our gestures can precipitate the other persons reactions, or their gestures could only be physical idiosyncrasies. Sometimes gestures have to do with a particular custom, and sometimes they are just repeated because of habit, and mean nothing.

- Don’t jump to immediate conclusions based on the observations and comprehension of isolated gestures. Understanding the congruence of gestures in harmony with one another is more important. (nervous laugh= incongruity= incongruity between the sound which should indicated amusement, and the rest of it which indicates discomfort)

- The serious student of gestures quickly understands that each gesture can quickly be countered, amplified, and confused by another.

- The congruence of gestures not only concerns us with matching gesture with gesture but with verbal/gesture evaluation. The spoken work is very important in this process.

- Instead of concentrating on gestures as mere parts that must be fitted together for meaning we must concentrate upon gesture clusters, then congruity of body movements and gestures become easier to understand.

- Becoming aware of gestures is fairly simple, but interpreting them is hard

When you would like to test someone say “are you sure”? this could either make someone very defensive, because a simple yes is all that’s needed.

- Good testing grounds include social and business gathering, anywhere where there are people, TV.

CH 2 Materials for Gesture Reading

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS: easily the least controversial

- nine separate smiles, 3 of which are very common

- simple smile: teeth exposed, commonly seen when a person is not participating in any outgoing activity upper smile: upper incisors are exposed, usually eye to eye contact between individs. Broad smile: associated with laughing, both upper and lower incisors are exposed, eye to eye contact seldom occurs Oblong smile: when people are trying to be polite, no depth to it lip in smile: same as upper, except that the lower lip is drawn between the teeth, implies that the person feels in some way subordinate to the person they are meeting

- conflict: eyebrows down, particularly at inner ends, producing a frown, lips tensed and pushed slightly forward, thought teeth are not shown.

o in situations of conflict eye contact rarely lost, because indicates defeat or fear

- shock