Self Esteem Whose Responsibility Is It Anyway?

Running head: SELF-ESTEEM; WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IS IT?

Self-Esteem; Whose Responsibility is it?

Jenni Looper

Self esteem plays a strong role throughout a person’s life, effecting relationships, career choices, and emotional wellbeing. Every person who comes into a child’s life can have an effect on their self-esteem. Although many people are interested in self esteem, what exactly does that mean and whose responsibility is it to nurture a child’s self esteem? Since by age five most of a child’s self concept is formed, I believe parents have the biggest impact in building self-esteem in their children. Although there are exceptions most adults with high self esteem can point to encouraging parents. While I believe parents have the primary responsibility for laying the foundation for healthy self esteem in their children, I also believe everyone who comes in contact with the child has a role in nurturing self-esteem, including teachers and day care workers.

It is important to have a true understanding of what self-esteem actually means. “Some people may believe that self esteem is how they feel about themselves, but actually self esteem is a set of unconscious self beliefs formed over a lifetime and a reflection of our perceptions of our abilities, our lovability and how we attribute causality to the events in our life.” (Shindler, 2006, p.1).

Children who have high self-esteem generally make friends easily, show enthusiasm for new activities and can control their behavior. They play by themselves and with other children, are cooperative and follow age appropriate rules. They are full of energy and have their own ideas. “In his book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Branden discusses the six practices he's found to be essential to healthy self-esteem. They include, respect for facts, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully and personal integrity.” (Branden, 2006, Para.3)

Parents

Parents play a large part in a child’s self-esteem. The task of developing self-esteem is the foundation layer of parenting, because without a healthy self-esteem your child will have difficulty developing a positive worldview or a positive view of others. (Building, 2006) “If they raise them with plenty of love and acceptance and self assurance they are likely to have high self-esteem.” (Branden, 2006, pg 1) A parent’s own self- esteem greatly impacts the subsequent child’s self-esteem. “Research shows that children with high self-esteem tend to have parents who show their children lots of love and acceptance. Children with low self-esteem tend to have parents who are judgmental and critical.”(Children’s, 2006, Para. 2) Parents can convey attitudes that the child is independent and successful or inadequate, incapable, and inferior. (Voigt, 2006)

It is very common for parents in a household to work outside the home. I feel this trend is very unfortunate because this leaves even less time for parents to influence the healthy-esteem of their children. I believe my generation feels they must have a two income household to make it. Even with limited time, however, “there are still many things that parents can do to help their children learn that they are lovable, capable, and competent, beginning when their children are at a very young age.”(Children, 2006, p.2)

Some things that parents can do to encourage healthy self-esteem are providing consistent unconditional love, utilizing active listening skills, and resisting comparisons to other children. Parents should allow children to make mistakes and learn from them, while providing empathy and encouragement.

Teachers

While clearly parents have the biggest role in encouraging high self-esteem, I believe teachers also play an important role. During the school day teachers may spend more time while the kids are awake than their parents do. Building self-esteem is not about complements, however. Instead of focusing on just making students feel good or making them feel that everything they do is great, it is more about empowering them to grow and be successful. (Shindler, 2006) To be an effective teacher, I believe it is critical that you promote self-esteem.

“Some suggestions for promoting self-esteem in the classroom include giving student’s voice and ownership of activities, creating an environment free of the need for excuses, teaching problem solving skills, and providing choices where accountability for their choices is expected.” (Shindler,