“the Most Irritating Things in My World”

You know how people have those little habits that get you down? Like talking during the movie that you paid seven dollars to see. Or making smacking noises when they eat. Basically, things that bother you more than they should.

Standing, waiting my turn in the salad line and the girl in front of me is taking forever! It is so vexing, all I want is some salad and ranch dressing, and here she is, taking her own sweet time, picking the best bits of lettuce and cucumber and tomatoes and placing them carefully on her tray. I just want to yell at her, “Holy crap! It’s not a decorating contest!” I mean, honestly, what is so hard about putting lettuce on a tray? There’s the lettuce, there’s the thongs. Just pick up the lettuce with the thongs, put it on your tray, and move on all ready! Goodness! It’s not exactly rocket science.

It’s opening night and I had been standing outside in the freezing cold for about three hours, waiting for the doors to open so I could go see the movie I had been counting down to see since the day I found out when it was to come out. Finally the doors open and I rush in to pay seven dollars and get a good seat. The movie starts and after a while, something amazing happens on screen. The person next to me goes, “Whoa, did you see that?” Did I see that? No, chicken gizzard. I paid seven bucks to come here and stare at the ceiling, what did you come here for? And then there’s the person behind me who keeps kicking the back of my seat and talking to their friend ‘quietly’, but loud enough so I can hear. I want to turn around in my seat and smack them. I don’t know, did they not notice the entire room get dark and the 20 foot screen illuminate, or that they had to pay to enter this room filled with seats. Maybe they didn’t hear the huge explosions and gunfire and yelling coming from the speakers? It just peeves me when people have no consideration for others, especially during movies.

I had this friend, and each time we talked, I would find myself counting the number of times she said a particular word. Literally. In a five minute conversation, on average, she would end up saying the word ‘literally’ about 20-30 times. You have no idea how quickly you begin to hate a word if you hear it often enough in a short enough period of time. It was “I haven’t see him in forever, literally,” or “I had too much to eat, literally,” even “I was literally freezing, I should have brought a coat, literally.” Yes we get it, everything that happens to you is important. It was the same word over and over again, monotonous, wearisome, redundant. It was like she was slowly twisting a screw into my brain. I would bite my tongue so hard I almost bled, just so I wouldn’t say anything that would ruin our friendship. Now, I can’t