Love for Marriage and Love for Convenience

“I can sacrifice myself for my daughter but probably not for my wife.” This was what my college professor said the other day jokingly. He was obviously highlighting the fact that he loves his daughter very much, though, to me, it was an instant shock. I always believed that marital love is eternal and perfect. Doesn’t a marriage start by promising eternal love? Isn’t it even considered as a sin if you break the vow? I have come to think recently that my view on marriage is just an idealised imagination. I always refused to face reality. Looking at our society very carefully, it seems that not all marriage partners share a strong passionate bonding of love, especially those who have grown old together. To be even precise, I cannot even see that bond through my parents. They do not love each other anymore. They mourn, they continuously argue every time they face, and they come to me, individually, and ask me if they should get separated. Because of this background, I am, and will be very cautious about choosing a person to date and to get married. I am quite interested in the topic of love, marriage, choices we make, and expectations when it comes to marriage. There is nothing better than a perfect loving and caring relationship than just a connection, but in modern society, and in reality, haven’t we created a false impression of what marriage is supposed to be?

I am not saying that romantic love does not exist. I am sure that my parents and my professor felt love attraction towards a partner. A strong one. Romantic love does exist as most of us have experienced a feeling of passion at some point in our lives, including myself. Typically, romantic love gives a sign of blushing cheeks, dizziness, and thought that world spins for me and for my love. In my interpretation, romantic love is an exaggerated or decorated expression of love which refers to a feeling of excitement associated with love. It is defined as attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm. When it comes to the love between partners, it usually begins with some degree of sexual attraction, along with the kinds of things that attract one to potential friends. It is likely that some of this love is instinctual. The biological purpose of the bonding may be reproduction, but that bond must extend far beyond. There is more emphasis on the emotions rather than physical pleasure. Love is basically a matter of caring about someone else’s well-being as much or more than you care about your own. If they feel pain or sadness, you suffer with them. Of they find happiness, you feel happy for them. Strong love even involves sacrificing your own happiness, and even sometimes your own life, for the other person.

I think I have been overly-idealised what marriage is and should be. As I described earlier, I was tied up with the notion of romanticism which does not necessary connect with marriage. I expect the person we marry to be perfect, I desire a romantic story to describe how I met this fellow, and I hold out forever in search of “the one”. However, every fairly tale stories finish their stories at the peak of the happiest moment. The idea of personal choices has been idolised generally and I think it has definitely affected the way we think about marriage. Romance is, or has become, a major aspect of post-modernity. Its criteria primarily include trend generally. The truth is that we look at marriage just from the feeling to be together point of view but there are more than meets the eyes. It is a serious business and if we choose to be each other friends there will be less problem, but we are all selfish. Why do we marry in the first place? We marry because it is ordered by God (but I won’t consider it as a reason because it is religious reason which has no proof, though majority of population would quote this when asked) and we beg for companionship and warmth, so you don’t have to be lonely. This eventually is the unity, in which couple help each other and shared strength. It is already noticeable that romantic love does not necessary take place in order to satisfy the fundamental desire of marriage. this desire formed modern marriage of convenience. Wit or irony encompasses the inherent instability of romance, fine-tuned to its late modern peculiarities. Love and marriage clearly were always ironic. This is, marriage constructed for reasons other than the reasons of love. Such marriage is orchestrated for personal gain or some other sort of strategic purpose. A couple may wed for reasons of citizenship or right of abode, for example, immigration.

I started to think that it is not a bad idea to wed for convenience. Historically, marriages in Japan were often arranged between families, called omiai, in order to protect status wealth, title, inheritance, or similar issues of property. Such marriages went forward with little or no consideration of love