Hamet

ColorSet-1ColorPos-1StyleSet-1StylePos-1 Krista Wallover

4/03/05

Humanities

ACT 5 Scene 1

Hamlet: Woe is me. I miss my dear Ophelia. Where is my beautiful maiden? I cannot believe I will never see her again. Well, at least not until I am dead and buried.

Ophelia: Hamlet what are you babbling about? I’m right here. I’ve been waiting for you for like an entire hour. I was really beginning to think you stood me up. Did you totally forget we had a date tonight?

Hamlet: Wait, wait, I thought you killed yourself in act four? If it wasn’t you who died who was it?

Ophelia: No it was me that everyone thought tried to kill herself. But to tell you the truth, I was just going for lifeguard certification and wasn’t as good at swimming as I t thought. Gosh, it’s like just because a girl flails around in the water a little bit that she must not be able to be a good lifeguard. Whatever, I’ll just be something else. How do you feel about me being a Pilates instructor?

Hamlet : Yeah, um, hun that’s great and all but you are kind of ruining this whole misery/ death persona I have going on here. So if you could just do me a favor and jump off the top of this building, that would be great. Seriously though, you have to die because you really are ruining this for me.

Ophelia: Hamlet! Why are you being so mean. (Sarcastically) Sure I’ll jump off this building for you. I mean, why not? Looks like a ton of fun.

(CRASH)

Hamlet: (Looking down from the building) That looks like it’s going to take a long time to clean up. Well now that she is finally out of the way, what should I do?

(Horatio enters)

Horatio: Hamlet, why are you standing so close to the edge of the roof? That’s kind of dangerous man. Wait what are you staring at down there? (Peering over edge) Oh my god, Hamlet is that her?

Hamlet: Yes it is, but please keep your mouth shut.

Horatio: Wait didn’t she die in act four? I could have sworn she was supposed to be buried in this act. Hamlet, what’s going on.

Hamlet: Look at her again Horatio and tell me what you see. (CRASH) Two dead in one day. Wow this story is getting changed too much. Hopefully, no one else will notice for a little while. As long as it will be enough time for me to straighten some things out.

ACT 5 SCENE 2

(The King and Gertrude are sleeping in their chambers) (Hamlet enters)

Hamlet: I must keep quiet and avenge my father’s death, no matter how unholy it will be.

My lord, this man snores so loud. Wait a second, it’s my mother that snores so ungodly loud. I don’t know who I should kill first, the snoring is just too unbearable.

(Hamlet raises the knife and stabs himself in the face, the sound wakes