Love

Definition of Love

"Love" There’s an odd word. Well, as far as I can tell there are two popular ways of beginning an essay. The first is to check Webster's Dictionary for a definition, and then repeat what you found.

"Webster's Dictionary defines love as: You stupid moron. How dense are you to be looking in a book for a description of one of mankind’s deepest, most important feelings? Do the world a favor and stick your head in the center of this book and slam it shut as hard as you can."

After three days of intensive therapy I was ready to begin writing again, this time using the second most popular way to start a piece of writing: Word dissection. That wasn’t much help either…

"Love. Well ‘Love’ can be split up into two words, lo and ve. Lo, as in lo and behold, means used to attract attention or show surprise. And ve isn’t in the dictionary. However, in Spanish, lo and ve, used in a sentence means ‘to see’. To see? Actually kinda neat, really. From what I’ve heard people in love see each other for what they are, so it fits quite nicely. Although it could also mean to see the years of bitterness and resentment that are bound to follow, it’s really all in the interpretation.

And now I’m confused. People should need a license to use the word ‘Love’ in a sentence. And a diploma to use it in a body of writing. Or at least some type of certification class.

What was I talking about again? Ah yes, love. Well, I’m not sure that I’m the best person to even attempt an explanation of the feeling, because I’ve really never successfully completed the whole ‘in love’ cycle. In fact, I’m pretty certain that I haven’t even started the whole ‘in love’ cycle, despite numerous attempts with several different girls. The cycle usually involves two people, and stuff. And the stuff is different depending on the people.

You know, I can’t really describe the ‘in love’ cycle. A writer should have at least a little experience in what he’s going to write about; like they always say, "Write what you know". I, however, do have extensive experience in the ‘trying and failing’ cycle.

Imagine two people, Frank and Perl. Frank is a sweet guy with a bit of an eccentric streak, which, quite frankly, is what makes Frank Frank. Perl is a quietly beautiful woman who is content to sit back and take life in. She hates it when people spell her name P-E-A-R-L, because that’s just not how you spell her name. These are qualities that are irresistible to Frank. Frank waits in the shadows for a chance to strike up a conversation. After much watching and waiting a window of opportunity opens. Frank is armed only with a wavering confidence and a small glimmer of hope. His only companion is Joel, his personality.

Joel does the same job all personalities do. He make’s judgment calls, devises life strategies, thinks of clever things to say, and basically does everything not directly related to primary life functions. As Frank is approaching Perl, something goes wrong. All the lights at his station go out. By the time Joel realizes that foul play is afoot, it’s too late. Someone storms in the room.

"Clayton, how did you get past security?!?!"

"Oh, I have my ways. Surrender control of Frank to me or accept the consequences."

"You fool! We’re about to attempt contact with Perl, if you take over now…"

"Exactly. Mwahahahaha!"

Clayton, Frank’s other personality, assumes control of Frank just as he approaches Perl. Within seconds Frank says something bizarre and inappropriate. Perl, confused and disgusted, runs back to her circle of friends with a new story to tell. Clayton escapes, so he can seize control at an inappropriate moment another day. Joel eventually comes to, and tries to perform some damage control by reminding Frank that there will be other chances, but Frank doesn’t care. In a week or so the feelings of defeat lessen, but not by much.

And that’s what makes life odd. You can be completely normal one second, but throw something in that upsets the balance and all hell breaks loose. Here’s what happened when I called up this one girl to try and get a date for a dance (Just in case she wanted to remain anonymous, I’m changing her