Mono Habilis

Mono habilis

Mono habilis is also known as "Maurico Solano." Habilis was probably the first of the ape-men to make primitive stone tools. These tools resembled "rocks," and in some cases, "stones."

Mono Erectus

Mono erectus inhabited the regions of southeastern and eastern Colombia until approximately 300,000 years ago, when its rent was raised and it got the hell out. Mono erectus had a similar body size to humans, although the male Mono erectus almost always felt it looked fatter than it really was.

Mono erectus was similar to modern man in a great many ways, although the brain size was considerably smaller--comparable to that of today's professional wrestling fan.

Mono erectus was a mighty warrior, an explorer, an inventor. Erectus invented clothing, in fact, which is used even today by just about everyone except those posing for National Geographic and certain men's magazines.

It is interesting to note that Mono erectus was the first to bury its dead. It appears the previous practice of burying the living became impractical due to all the flailing and biting. Mono erectus, like all our progenitors, was able to adapt.

Neanderthal

Before and during the last ice age there appeared a very distinctive type of man, the Neanderthal. We're betting that what made the Neanderthal distinctive was his body odor!!! But there's no consensus in the scientific community to support that yet.

Originally, it was thought Neanderthals were direct ancestors of man. But skeletal remains of modern man have now been found dating from the same time as the Neanderthals, suggesting they both arose from a common ancestor (a guy named Mono). This is quite a revelation, especially to the people who have managed to read this far.

Neanderthals became extinct some 40,000 years ago, mainly because they were utterly inept at mating. Fossil records show quite clearly that while mating rituals for the various types of hominids developed in predictable, advancing increments throughout history, Neanderthals, inexplicably, did not conform to that pattern.

Please note the following official-looking chart.

EVOLUTION OF THE MATING INITIATION VERBALIZATION (OR PICK-UP LINE)

Australopithecus afarensis Ugh.

Australopithecus africanus Bam!

Australopithecus robustus I'm going to kill you bitch!

Mono habilis Want to see my dick, Ugh!

Mono